My Happiness

For the last few months, I have been thinking about my own happiness.  What do I want to do? Is this what I want to do?  Is there more to life?  What would my obituary say about me?  What would my children say in the future about me? These questions mostly came to me when I was laid off earlier this year.  Before hand I was move through life without any sense of what I was doing. It was like I was on auto-pilot but I knew I was not happy.  But I did not have a clue what to do to find my happiness.

Now about eight months later, I have changed a lot, or at least my way of thinking about things happening to me and my family.  I wanted to find out what can make me happy.  I did a lot of reading and research into find happiness or solving a problem that would help me be more happy if it was solved.  Also I did a lot of praying and thinking about what made me unhappy.  Of course, my responsibility to my family came first, I went back to college to get my Associates to get a better job.  A job opportunity open up to where I can help support my family financially. Even though it is less pay than what I was making when I was laid off with no benefits, but this is better than living off employment.  I told myself that is temporary, eventually, I will have a successful business in something I love to do.

In what? I do not know yet, I have many ideas. I am still in the process of trying to find one that will work with my ultimate dream. I will tell you later about that.

I have notice, even though I have not specifically work on my happiness, I did not know that was what I was looking for. I was try to fix many things that had many words to describe them.  But after reading The Happiness Project by Grechten Rubin, I found the one word I have been working on the last eight months and what I was looking for all my life. Happiness. Thank you Grechten for a wonderful book, it looks like I have more to do (in my opinion for my happiness) but you have given me the tools to pursuit and expand my own happiness journey.

Baby Steps

I have been struggling with myself for my most of my life. I was not happy (a mild term of putting it) with myself because I did not succeed in something nor had a purpose. When I started to think about this is when I realize that this year I will be turning 30. I third of my life have past and I do not know what I was going to do with the next 60 years. I started to ask myself some questions like: What do I want? What am I good at? What is the purpose of my life? Yes, I am married and have a son. I never thought this was possible when I was young because I had my first kiss and boyfriend at the age of 20. Before that I dream about if a man would love me and the children I would have. Also I started to think about other things like, what did I learn or do in my life so far. If you do not know what you have done, how do you learn what to do next?

So around the time of New Year’s, when everyone was talking about what or how they choose their New Year’s resolutions, when some people choose a word to live by to make themselves a better person. Also some people did the usually weight loss, quit smoking, change something. Which I thought that is something that you can do any time. But also I start to think: what are my goals in life?  What is my purpose in life? What God want me to do here? How do I know if I choose the right path? Or is it the one God wants me to do, or am I to blind to see what God is telling me?

I thought about it and found out that, what was making me so angry with myself was that I had never finished anything I started. I was not successful with getting my insurance license to become an insurance agent, or my own PartyLite business, or finishing college and getting a degree.  But I have the ambition, wanted to be successful and work at it. But I would get overwhelm with any large tasks that I want to do that I did not finish it. I did not know how to break it down to small tasks or was overwhelm with the extra work to break it down and complete the large task. I never had goals in life, never thought about what I want to be proud of doing or having purpose. I always thought if I won the lottery or was famous or was successful business person my life would be better.

So I started to some research on how to be positive and how people where successful in their lives. I have found a few motivational books that help me get into the right mind set. That some of these people, who are successful where willing to do anything that anyone else did not want to do. For example: Create a new way of doing things, new idea, how well they do their job.

So it took me some time to figure this out, with a lot of prayer. I kept on asking God what do you have plan for me? I know I can do anything, when there is a goal, a plan and have patience. I thought I was patience but only with others but not with myself. I thought I need to get things done right way, since there was no one else to rely on. I know that I never quiet do things right with the first time, but the second time I do it perfect. I have learned from my mistakes quickly. So I can achieve my goals if I am organized and patience that to see things through and that I will be able to do it.

That is why I have gone back to college, start to try to live healthy, and writing more. If I do these things and I want to be successful at them. I have to learn that I need to be patience with myself and take each thing as step by step and also that I will make mistakes once in a while. If I can do that then I can be successful.

Going Back to College

Earlier this month, I decided to go back to college and get my Associates in Applied Sciences in Business Management.  I had to go to the advisor to find out what kind of classes I can take and what I have already take that will be part of my Associates. I thought that I got everything ready to do to register for classes, come the day I am aloud to, I found out that I did not. I was not re-active as a student when I saw the advisor. So I sign up through online, thinking it will only take a few days.

So I waited a few days, I called because I still did not get an email. Well I called the admissions lady told me it could take about a week. But I told her that I was already a student and that I stop take classes a few years ago, I was coming back. She was able to help me and becoming an active student again. But I had to wait another 24 hours to register.

Next day, in the evening, I tried to register, the system was down. Okay I will do it the next day, I forgot. Okay I did it the next day, got 3 of 4 classes. Fourth class will not let me sign up because I did not have the prerequisites classes done. But I saw on my transcript that I did have them done. So I had to email he advisor that I saw a week ago. She was able to help me by override the system. So, now that I sign up for spring term. Next is the fun part of how we are going to pay for this.

Did some thing new today.

This is something we have all done in PE growing up. Strength exercise. But today when I was doing it, my 15 month old son was attacking me and giggling. He thought it was the funnest thing he has ever seen. He barely let me finish my reps and sets. I was laughing with him, kissing him, kind of made it a game. Since I know that exercise will help me feel better and getting healthier. I am trying to think be health will lose the weight not losing the weight will be health.

Of course the sun just came out and it is time for my little man nap. Of course he was mad that I put him down for a nap, I hope when he is up that I can still go for a walk. I am using Sparkpeople website to help me on my journey. I am taking very little baby steps. Hope it works.

Looking for Work

I have been looking for work for almost 4 weeks now. It is getting hard to find work to apply for with my experience and pay wage. The problem is that I have a lot of experience and at my last job I was getting good wage. Also there is not that many jobs posted with wages near what I was making. Of course when I apply for jobs that do not post a wage, I find out later that I am over qualified for the position and that it is not in my pay range. Well, I now I have to think outside the box to find a way to make some money.

Well, I have been getting emails about work for self employment positions, like Financial Adviser or Insurance Agent, you have to pay a lot up front for training and licenses. Also you have to network with friends and family or cold call or buy more leads to get your business going. I have talked about this with my husband and if I do this it will be a last resort kind of thing. Also I do not know if I can still claim unemployment benefits or training can be call for career change and it's okay to claim.

Then there is going back to school, guess what they will not pay unemployment benefits if I go back. They will not let me because my job is still here in the United States and did not get ship overseas. Also my skills can be used for any industry. If there is office work then I must apply but the problem is most Office work is entry level position and is paying to low for me.

I have a few other ideas about making some money but I need to get a plan in place for business ideas. I need to some research and brainstorming. I might need some investors as well. I am trying to think of things to do between interview and job searching, which is not very often. Cleaning house gets boring after a while.

Laid Off

Well, I was laid off about 2 weeks ago from my job of 6 years. I did go through the grief stages. Now I am at a point that I am starting to get better. I am starting to get things done, not letting the sadness of not finding a job soon and that there is practically nothing in my pay range and skills for me. I will continue to look for a job but also I am trying to find other things to do with my time. I heard on the news the other day, that the average person that was in unemployment was 9 months. I hope we still have our house by then or I have found a job or way to earn money to help pay for bills and debt we have.

Today, it took me 1 hour and half to clean and get laundry started. I was not trying to get it done fast but I wonder around my upstairs and getting things done. Before today, I was filling over whelmed with all the chores and things around the house that I could get done. But what I did to get done in that hour and half, I was surprise myself again. Well, it sounds like some one is ready for his nap and I can get the dishes done.

Boy I am bad about blogging.

Well, I was hope that this blog thing would get me to write more about me or thing I like to write about. I have been thinking about writing for a living. I have a good ideas but I know I am the worse when it comes to grammar. Oh well, I hope that practice make perfect or a least better than I am now. I was trying think of what I can do to kill time before I have to go to bed. I did not want to read new or "window shop" online. I came across that oh ya I still have a blog; and I wanted to try to write more. Okay, I know it is still to just to write that I want to write more.

Well, I feel better about my self. I thought that I was not going any where in life. Still have the same job, same house, felt like I could never get anything done. Well, on Facebook while reading a few my friends say about New Year's Revolutions, and a few where discussing about learning from the year past and hope for a better new year. Also to do not worry about the past; it is done and over. Well, I try to think what has happen in this last year, what change, or did I learn and grow from it. Well, I learn that stress can make me fat, and when I worry about every little thing I did not do, it makes me stress and grumpy. So I am trying more every time I remember to let go of the things I can not control, and let some things go. So I am reaching some of my goals; and that it will take time to do those goals.

So, I hope this is a start of a new habit and that some day and may be it for me to be an Author. I guess I need to take baby steps. :)