Baby Steps

I have been struggling with myself for my most of my life. I was not happy (a mild term of putting it) with myself because I did not succeed in something nor had a purpose. When I started to think about this is when I realize that this year I will be turning 30. I third of my life have past and I do not know what I was going to do with the next 60 years. I started to ask myself some questions like: What do I want? What am I good at? What is the purpose of my life? Yes, I am married and have a son. I never thought this was possible when I was young because I had my first kiss and boyfriend at the age of 20. Before that I dream about if a man would love me and the children I would have. Also I started to think about other things like, what did I learn or do in my life so far. If you do not know what you have done, how do you learn what to do next?

So around the time of New Year’s, when everyone was talking about what or how they choose their New Year’s resolutions, when some people choose a word to live by to make themselves a better person. Also some people did the usually weight loss, quit smoking, change something. Which I thought that is something that you can do any time. But also I start to think: what are my goals in life?  What is my purpose in life? What God want me to do here? How do I know if I choose the right path? Or is it the one God wants me to do, or am I to blind to see what God is telling me?

I thought about it and found out that, what was making me so angry with myself was that I had never finished anything I started. I was not successful with getting my insurance license to become an insurance agent, or my own PartyLite business, or finishing college and getting a degree.  But I have the ambition, wanted to be successful and work at it. But I would get overwhelm with any large tasks that I want to do that I did not finish it. I did not know how to break it down to small tasks or was overwhelm with the extra work to break it down and complete the large task. I never had goals in life, never thought about what I want to be proud of doing or having purpose. I always thought if I won the lottery or was famous or was successful business person my life would be better.

So I started to some research on how to be positive and how people where successful in their lives. I have found a few motivational books that help me get into the right mind set. That some of these people, who are successful where willing to do anything that anyone else did not want to do. For example: Create a new way of doing things, new idea, how well they do their job.

So it took me some time to figure this out, with a lot of prayer. I kept on asking God what do you have plan for me? I know I can do anything, when there is a goal, a plan and have patience. I thought I was patience but only with others but not with myself. I thought I need to get things done right way, since there was no one else to rely on. I know that I never quiet do things right with the first time, but the second time I do it perfect. I have learned from my mistakes quickly. So I can achieve my goals if I am organized and patience that to see things through and that I will be able to do it.

That is why I have gone back to college, start to try to live healthy, and writing more. If I do these things and I want to be successful at them. I have to learn that I need to be patience with myself and take each thing as step by step and also that I will make mistakes once in a while. If I can do that then I can be successful.