Baby Steps

I have been struggling with myself for my most of my life. I was not happy (a mild term of putting it) with myself because I did not succeed in something nor had a purpose. When I started to think about this is when I realize that this year I will be turning 30. I third of my life have past and I do not know what I was going to do with the next 60 years. I started to ask myself some questions like: What do I want? What am I good at? What is the purpose of my life? Yes, I am married and have a son. I never thought this was possible when I was young because I had my first kiss and boyfriend at the age of 20. Before that I dream about if a man would love me and the children I would have. Also I started to think about other things like, what did I learn or do in my life so far. If you do not know what you have done, how do you learn what to do next?

So around the time of New Year’s, when everyone was talking about what or how they choose their New Year’s resolutions, when some people choose a word to live by to make themselves a better person. Also some people did the usually weight loss, quit smoking, change something. Which I thought that is something that you can do any time. But also I start to think: what are my goals in life?  What is my purpose in life? What God want me to do here? How do I know if I choose the right path? Or is it the one God wants me to do, or am I to blind to see what God is telling me?

I thought about it and found out that, what was making me so angry with myself was that I had never finished anything I started. I was not successful with getting my insurance license to become an insurance agent, or my own PartyLite business, or finishing college and getting a degree.  But I have the ambition, wanted to be successful and work at it. But I would get overwhelm with any large tasks that I want to do that I did not finish it. I did not know how to break it down to small tasks or was overwhelm with the extra work to break it down and complete the large task. I never had goals in life, never thought about what I want to be proud of doing or having purpose. I always thought if I won the lottery or was famous or was successful business person my life would be better.

So I started to some research on how to be positive and how people where successful in their lives. I have found a few motivational books that help me get into the right mind set. That some of these people, who are successful where willing to do anything that anyone else did not want to do. For example: Create a new way of doing things, new idea, how well they do their job.

So it took me some time to figure this out, with a lot of prayer. I kept on asking God what do you have plan for me? I know I can do anything, when there is a goal, a plan and have patience. I thought I was patience but only with others but not with myself. I thought I need to get things done right way, since there was no one else to rely on. I know that I never quiet do things right with the first time, but the second time I do it perfect. I have learned from my mistakes quickly. So I can achieve my goals if I am organized and patience that to see things through and that I will be able to do it.

That is why I have gone back to college, start to try to live healthy, and writing more. If I do these things and I want to be successful at them. I have to learn that I need to be patience with myself and take each thing as step by step and also that I will make mistakes once in a while. If I can do that then I can be successful.

Going Back to College

Earlier this month, I decided to go back to college and get my Associates in Applied Sciences in Business Management.  I had to go to the advisor to find out what kind of classes I can take and what I have already take that will be part of my Associates. I thought that I got everything ready to do to register for classes, come the day I am aloud to, I found out that I did not. I was not re-active as a student when I saw the advisor. So I sign up through online, thinking it will only take a few days.

So I waited a few days, I called because I still did not get an email. Well I called the admissions lady told me it could take about a week. But I told her that I was already a student and that I stop take classes a few years ago, I was coming back. She was able to help me and becoming an active student again. But I had to wait another 24 hours to register.

Next day, in the evening, I tried to register, the system was down. Okay I will do it the next day, I forgot. Okay I did it the next day, got 3 of 4 classes. Fourth class will not let me sign up because I did not have the prerequisites classes done. But I saw on my transcript that I did have them done. So I had to email he advisor that I saw a week ago. She was able to help me by override the system. So, now that I sign up for spring term. Next is the fun part of how we are going to pay for this.

Did some thing new today.

This is something we have all done in PE growing up. Strength exercise. But today when I was doing it, my 15 month old son was attacking me and giggling. He thought it was the funnest thing he has ever seen. He barely let me finish my reps and sets. I was laughing with him, kissing him, kind of made it a game. Since I know that exercise will help me feel better and getting healthier. I am trying to think be health will lose the weight not losing the weight will be health.

Of course the sun just came out and it is time for my little man nap. Of course he was mad that I put him down for a nap, I hope when he is up that I can still go for a walk. I am using Sparkpeople website to help me on my journey. I am taking very little baby steps. Hope it works.