Reflection of 2011

In 2011, many things happen to my family and myself. First, I was laid off from my job of six years at the title insurance company. I enjoyed being a at home Mom, with my son, but a realize that 10 years of office experience with no college degree will not get me the job I wanted.  Since the unemployment department allows people to go back to a two year college and has to be a specific degree.  I decided to go back to college. But at the same time, I was able to find a temporary job with Planar Systems in the Reseller Support department.

Then I got busy, working and going college full time. I decided on getting my Associates in Business Management because I would like to have a job with more responsibilities. Then my husband was gone for two weeks on business trip.  Since I was working full time and going to college at nights, I knew what it felt like being a single mom. 

After Spring term, I was offered my old job back and I took it. The reason being is that it had more opportunities to have a permanent job and have benefits. Since being laid off in January and losing great benefits, it is a goal of my husband and I to find better job with great benefits. I have been going to college and working ever since.

But emotionally, it has been a year of discovering who I am and what I want to do. Before this year, I knew what I wanted but never really did anything about it.  I guess turning 30 does that to some people. How I feel about my birthday is a sore subject and it nothing to do with the age thing. Anyhow, I still feel depress during Christmas season.  I do not know what it is, but right after Thanksgiving til mid-January early February, I am a stick in the mud.  It is hard for me to be happy. This year I really tried to focus on making it better.

Other than that I was trying to figure out what I want to do. Every thing from spiritual, emotional, to physical. Every time I hit a low or pray for guidance I get a new idea or way at looking at things. I have been grateful that I have grown more and learn more in this last year than I did in the last 10 years. So I still pray to God that every year will be happier and better than the last.

My Happiness

For the last few months, I have been thinking about my own happiness.  What do I want to do? Is this what I want to do?  Is there more to life?  What would my obituary say about me?  What would my children say in the future about me? These questions mostly came to me when I was laid off earlier this year.  Before hand I was move through life without any sense of what I was doing. It was like I was on auto-pilot but I knew I was not happy.  But I did not have a clue what to do to find my happiness.

Now about eight months later, I have changed a lot, or at least my way of thinking about things happening to me and my family.  I wanted to find out what can make me happy.  I did a lot of reading and research into find happiness or solving a problem that would help me be more happy if it was solved.  Also I did a lot of praying and thinking about what made me unhappy.  Of course, my responsibility to my family came first, I went back to college to get my Associates to get a better job.  A job opportunity open up to where I can help support my family financially. Even though it is less pay than what I was making when I was laid off with no benefits, but this is better than living off employment.  I told myself that is temporary, eventually, I will have a successful business in something I love to do.

In what? I do not know yet, I have many ideas. I am still in the process of trying to find one that will work with my ultimate dream. I will tell you later about that.

I have notice, even though I have not specifically work on my happiness, I did not know that was what I was looking for. I was try to fix many things that had many words to describe them.  But after reading The Happiness Project by Grechten Rubin, I found the one word I have been working on the last eight months and what I was looking for all my life. Happiness. Thank you Grechten for a wonderful book, it looks like I have more to do (in my opinion for my happiness) but you have given me the tools to pursuit and expand my own happiness journey.

Baby Steps

I have been struggling with myself for my most of my life. I was not happy (a mild term of putting it) with myself because I did not succeed in something nor had a purpose. When I started to think about this is when I realize that this year I will be turning 30. I third of my life have past and I do not know what I was going to do with the next 60 years. I started to ask myself some questions like: What do I want? What am I good at? What is the purpose of my life? Yes, I am married and have a son. I never thought this was possible when I was young because I had my first kiss and boyfriend at the age of 20. Before that I dream about if a man would love me and the children I would have. Also I started to think about other things like, what did I learn or do in my life so far. If you do not know what you have done, how do you learn what to do next?

So around the time of New Year’s, when everyone was talking about what or how they choose their New Year’s resolutions, when some people choose a word to live by to make themselves a better person. Also some people did the usually weight loss, quit smoking, change something. Which I thought that is something that you can do any time. But also I start to think: what are my goals in life?  What is my purpose in life? What God want me to do here? How do I know if I choose the right path? Or is it the one God wants me to do, or am I to blind to see what God is telling me?

I thought about it and found out that, what was making me so angry with myself was that I had never finished anything I started. I was not successful with getting my insurance license to become an insurance agent, or my own PartyLite business, or finishing college and getting a degree.  But I have the ambition, wanted to be successful and work at it. But I would get overwhelm with any large tasks that I want to do that I did not finish it. I did not know how to break it down to small tasks or was overwhelm with the extra work to break it down and complete the large task. I never had goals in life, never thought about what I want to be proud of doing or having purpose. I always thought if I won the lottery or was famous or was successful business person my life would be better.

So I started to some research on how to be positive and how people where successful in their lives. I have found a few motivational books that help me get into the right mind set. That some of these people, who are successful where willing to do anything that anyone else did not want to do. For example: Create a new way of doing things, new idea, how well they do their job.

So it took me some time to figure this out, with a lot of prayer. I kept on asking God what do you have plan for me? I know I can do anything, when there is a goal, a plan and have patience. I thought I was patience but only with others but not with myself. I thought I need to get things done right way, since there was no one else to rely on. I know that I never quiet do things right with the first time, but the second time I do it perfect. I have learned from my mistakes quickly. So I can achieve my goals if I am organized and patience that to see things through and that I will be able to do it.

That is why I have gone back to college, start to try to live healthy, and writing more. If I do these things and I want to be successful at them. I have to learn that I need to be patience with myself and take each thing as step by step and also that I will make mistakes once in a while. If I can do that then I can be successful.

Going Back to College

Earlier this month, I decided to go back to college and get my Associates in Applied Sciences in Business Management.  I had to go to the advisor to find out what kind of classes I can take and what I have already take that will be part of my Associates. I thought that I got everything ready to do to register for classes, come the day I am aloud to, I found out that I did not. I was not re-active as a student when I saw the advisor. So I sign up through online, thinking it will only take a few days.

So I waited a few days, I called because I still did not get an email. Well I called the admissions lady told me it could take about a week. But I told her that I was already a student and that I stop take classes a few years ago, I was coming back. She was able to help me and becoming an active student again. But I had to wait another 24 hours to register.

Next day, in the evening, I tried to register, the system was down. Okay I will do it the next day, I forgot. Okay I did it the next day, got 3 of 4 classes. Fourth class will not let me sign up because I did not have the prerequisites classes done. But I saw on my transcript that I did have them done. So I had to email he advisor that I saw a week ago. She was able to help me by override the system. So, now that I sign up for spring term. Next is the fun part of how we are going to pay for this.